“He is not a tame lion, but He is good.”

I stole the above title from a CS Lewis quote that my aunt Tammy sent me in an email. It sums up a little bit of what I’ve been facing the past week and a half. I have been in Honduras for 11 days now and it has been some of the hardest 11 days of my life. This transition period has not been a smooth one nor has it been an easy one, but I press on (only by His strength that is given to me day by day, even when I will not claim it). There are a few themes that keep coming up, so much so, that I think God is trying to tell me something. One is the idea of waiting on the Lord – being patient and waiting on Him. Everything in me does not want to be patient. I want to know what the future holds;  I want to rest in the knowledge of knowing – but yet He says wait. I knew coming to Honduras that I was going to have to give up a tremendous amount of control and comfort that I had while in the States, and oh, how that has been confirmed. I have been taken out of an incredibly comfortable situation and plopped down into a completely unfamiliar and, at times, scary one. He is all I have (and He is all I need) – and I am slowly, oh so slowly, learning to trust in Him. As my aunt Tammy told me, He and I are wrestling at the moment. Like Jacob, I will lose and He will win. I (and I am sure all of us) would have it no other way.

A poem given me by friends in Charlotte for my journey:

 …

What we triumph over is the Small,

and the success itself makes us petty.

The Eternal and Unexampled

will not be bent by us.

This is the Angel, who appeared

to the wrestlers of the Old Testament:

when his opponent’s sinews

in that contest stretch like metal,

he feels them under his fingers

like strings making deep melodies.

 

Whomever this Angel overcame

(who so often declined the fight),

he walks erect and justified

and great out of that hard hand

which, as if sculpting, nestled round him.

Winning does not tempt him.

His growth is: to be the deeply defeated 

by ever greater things.                

[rainer maria rilke]

 

What I’m listening to at the moment:

Feel the pain teaching us how much more we can take,

reminding us how far we’ve come.

Let the pain burn away from our hearts.

We have time to start all over again.

 

And if you would shine your love down here

and make our hearts as perfect as new.

I promise I’ll reflect it right back at you.

I promise we’ll reflect it right back at you. 

[copeland]

 

Just stumbled upon this:

Praise be to the God of and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort. We do not want you to be uniformed, brothers, about the hardships we suffered in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we may not rely on ourselves, but on God, who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On Him we have set our hope that He will continue to deliver us, as you help us by your prayers.                     [2 Corinthians 1:3-11a]

I feel like Paul when he says, “Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me [Philippians 3:12].” I am not even close to fully relying on God, trusting in Him, waiting patiently for Him, being at a place spiritually where He desires me to be, but He has given me the strength today to press on and I am confident He will continue to do so in order to complete the good work He started in me. He will bring me through these sufferings and make my face shine with His glory. I am a woman of the Psalms right now.

Please pray for me according to all that I have mentioned above.  

Here is an update of real life on the Ranch: This past week has been spent in teacher and missionary orientations. I have been working on my classroom (decorating it and such) and on lesson plans. School starts Monday, and my room is barely finished and lesson plans are lacking! I have no idea what I am doing… This is a list of what classes I am teaching: Spanish as a Second Language to missionary children, Home Ec (8,9,11th), Computer and Research (11th), PE (8,9th) and Reading (5,6th).

A few people have asked about the accommodations here. They are wonderful! It’s just like the States except that the power goes out occasionally, the floors are all tile (no carpet at all), and the walls are not insulated so you can hear everything outside. It feels like fall in North Carolina here so I’m a bit confused as to what month it really is. It’s a lot colder here than I thought it would be. It could have something to do with that fact that we’re 6,000 feet up on a mountain. 

I  promise I will post pictures soon! My camera is being stubborn, of course.

estoy aqui en honduras

i am finally here in honduras! i arrived about a day and a half ago. there are few words to express what i am going through other than overwhelmed. it’s a very disorienting thing to place yourself in a foreign country with a foreign tongue and with people who you have never met in your life. it’s what you would call a stripping of all comforts. i’m sure it would be a lot harder if most of the people on the ranch were not american and did not speak english. and i’m sure it would be a lot harder if i did not have internet access and had not spoken to anyone at home. but thankfully these comforts have been given me.

right now, i am not doing much other than relaxing, resting and becoming familiar with the ranch and the people here. i begin orientation next week and then school starts the week after. i am slotted at the moment to be the spanish teacher, the home ec (spelling? ive never actually seen that spelled out) teacher and possibly a reading teacher of some sort. i will be living in staff housing which will hold 6 girls total and i will have my own room (which is something i haven’t had in four years so needless to say i am excited). the half of the house where my room will be is not ready yet so i am staying in another duplex at the moment. hopefully, my home will be ready soon.

it’s a bit difficult being here and not having anything really to do yet. i find myself quite homesick. your prayers are very needed and appreciated.

i want to be a biker in pittsburgh

i leave for honduras in 3 days! 

at the moment jeremiah and i are in burlington with my family. i cannot quite accept the fact that this will be my last time in my parent’s house for at least 4 months. i’ve been very emotional the past week or so but luckily i have been able to control myself the past few days (probably because i’ve gotten to spend a lot of time with jeremiah which has been such a blessing). now i’m catching up with friends and family in burlington before i go back to charlotte monday and fly out tuesday. 

so far it has been a nice and relaxing time here at home although death is lingering over our heads. my great aunt Hycie had a brain aneurism two days ago and is at the moment on life support. at some point today she is going to be taken off life support and will probably pass soon after. please be praying for her husband John, daughter Peggy and my grandmother. her husband and she are inseparable so this is going to be an incredible loss for him. my grandmother lost my grandfather 13 years ago; before and since then, my aunt Hycie and uncle John have always looked after her and have been some of her closest friends. i trust she is at this moment in the presence of her Creator and her Savior. 

this summer has been quite a surprise in how many adventures it has held for me. i did not expect to see two new states before i left for honduras. my family has never traveled a lot so i have not seen much of the united states. as i blogged earlier, i was able to go to texas for the first time this past june. last week, i visited pennsylvania (i.e. pittsburgh) with my housemate sheena to surprise jeremiah. i liked pennsylvania a lot – it was very quaint and idyllic. i observed that there were a lot of bikers in the city, which i absolutely loved. there is nothing quite like biking around center city with the skyscrapers, narrow roads, traffic and people. 

i wanted to share the cover to my epic’s album “i am undone”, which comes out august 5th! 

mewithoutYou music videos + burlington = returning to charlotte

this video makes me happy. it’s a bit odd but right up my alley. it’s from one of my favorite of favorites bands, mewithoutYou. [i could not figure out how to post the link correctly so it's up to you to copy, paste and watch]:

http://video.aol.com/video/music-mewithoutyou-paper-hanger/1438080

 

i will be returning to charlotte tomorrow for about two weeks and then will be coming back to burlington to say my see-you-later’s. the plan continues to be i will be flying out of charlotte for tegucigalpa, honduras on july 22.

might as well see the nation’s capital before i leave

i’m here in washington d.c. visiting lauren with her cousins liz and jennifer. i went to my first professional baseball game [washington nationals vs. baltimore orioles] last night. on our way to the metro, we got caught in a torrential downpour – and when i say torrential, i mean TORRENTIAL.  when we got to the ballpark, it starting raining once again and i found myself wearing a very stylish orioles poncho. here are some pictures from the game:

liz, me, lisa & jennifer

view behind us [yes, that's the washington monument]

after the game, there were about a million people waiting to get on the metro but luckily it didn’t take us too long to get home. on our way to lauren’s apartment, we took a very creepy drive through a wooded area that turned out to be where they found the body of chandra levy. we also passed by the site of one of the DC sniper shootings. needless to say, i was ready to get out of there.

today we got on the metro and went shopping and site seeing in alexandria, va. we ate at a very quaint french cafe, la madeline and i had the best lemonade i have ever tasted there. now we are lounging around and relaxing after a very hot afternoon. 

i’m so happy to be here with lauren, but am also growing a bit more anxious about honduras. being here in an unfamiliar place gives me a taste of what lies ahead and how scared and homesick i am going to get at times. 

today is jeremiah and my 6th month anniversary!! 

the final countdown

Oh, it is so close! Honduras is just around the corner. I have less than a month before I enter a new season of my life. The reality of it all is beginning to settle in. 

At the moment, I am writing from the apartment in Chapel Hill of three of my closest friends, Laura (aka La), Carolyn (aka C) and Sarah (aka Snorr). I came up to Chapel Hill for a visit and am leaving for D.C. tomorrow to visit Lauren!! Oh, how I love these girls. They are indeed my sisters and know me so, so well. 

It is hot as crap here and the air conditioning barely works so I’m sweating (not profusely but close enough) as I type (and I do not smell that great, either). As C just said, “It’s just hot.” That’s all there is to it. How do you describe this heat – maybe something like “I just want to lie down and die, it’s so hot.” I do not even want to know what is in store for me in Honduras.

Overall, life is not too exciting. I am spending most of time getting ready for Honduras (i.e. insurance stuff, plane ticket stuff, I have no idea what I am doing stuff, etc) and visiting my friends and family. Jeremiah is on tour for the next two and half weeks so I am doing my best to embrace this time of separation. 

 

Books I have been reading and suggest:

Following Jesus, NT Wright

Let Me Be a Woman, Elisabeth Elliot

Book of John

 

Music I’ve been listening to:

Brand New, God and The Devil Are Raging Inside of Me

Coldplay, Viva la Vida

My Epic, I Am Undone

mewithoutYou, Brother, Sister

As Cities Burn, Come Now Sleep 

 

For all my lovely Chapel Hillian friends, all is well here in Chapel Hill. 

ay, tejas

I am safely at home in Charlotte after a quick trip to Texas this past weekend. Jeremiah and I celebrated his grandmother’s 65th birthday on Friday evening and then went to the beach with his family for the rest of the weekend. We danced together for the first time at his Nana’s birthday party…and discovered we both have two left feet. But, nevertheless, it was wonderful and quite romantic. Jeremiah was sung to (and hit on) by a Patsy Cline impersonator…he was quite embarrassed which was the best part of it all. Here are a couple pictures from the party:

my short hair for all who have wanted to see it

us

After the party, we all headed to the beach in Galveston. It was my first time at the beach with my boyfriend and we had a wonderful time. I spent a great deal of time in the ocean and came home with a nice tan and some peeling. There was a lot of time spent playing the Wii and I managed to beat Jeremiah a couple of times in boxing and bowling. Luckily, I got along with Jeremiah’s family very well and I managed to win the heart of his youngest cousin, Josiah, who would often sit beside me with his arm around my shoulders. Here are few pictures from the beach:

Jeremiah resting after being in the ocean

stereotypical couple picture

josiah showing jeremiah a piece of seaweed he found

Texas was a nice state…a bit flat and not too different from NC as far as I could tell. It was nice to think that when I looked out over the Gulf, Mexico (and also Honduras) were not too far away.

Overall, I was just happy to be on my first trip with Jeremiah. 

odds & ends

Well, life has been pretty consistent lately and, therefore, rather lacking in any news to share. I am settling quite nicely here in Charlotte and getting use to being in a house of six girls (again). Our new roommate Lindsey (better known as Aaron’s Lindsey or Lindsey C.) moved in late Sunday evening and I feel we are going to become very close friends.

The boys (aka the band or My Epic) sent in late last evening the finished mixes of their songs and other important items for their full length album. They were a bit stressed about getting everything ready in time, but I believe they are quite relieved now! The album is titled “I am undone” and refers to the verse in Isaiah 6 where the prophet sees a vision of God on His throne and the angels praising Him and exclaims “Woe to me! I am ruined!” (some translations say “I am undone”). The boys received the artwork for the front cover of the album and it is pretty awesome! Jeremiah is quite happy and proud of it which is saying a lot! The release date is set for August 5 at the moment but may change. It was originally set for the day I am suppose to arrive in Honduras and, needless to say, I shed a few tears over the idea of not being there.  I still won’t be here for the release but I trust I will have my copy of the album asap and I know it will be a comfort to have in Honduras when I am missing the boyfriend.

Jeremiah and I fly to Houston, Texas tonight for his grandmother’s 65th birthday celebration. This will be my first time in the Lone Star state and I am not quite sure what to expect. I mean Texas was once apart of Mexico and then a country in and of itself so it’s got to be pretty different from all the other states. This will also be the farthest west I have traveled in the United States to date. I feel like popping out Donald Miller’s Through Painted Deserts to recap on his description of Houston and Texas in general – I think his description will probably be better than anything Texas itself could really offer. Oh, and if you have not read Donald Miller or the book mentioned above, check him out. He’s worth reading (at least in my opinion). On top of Texas, I am meeting Jeremiah’s extended family for the first time. This is unfamiliar territory for me. This weekend is bound to promise a good blog for next week. 

The Lord has done some cool things in the community this past week. We had a pretty intense discussion last week between some of the guys and girls about what the cookouts should look like and what our real aim is behind them. Most of the time we have pretty minimal and dry conversation with those who come to the cookouts. We were really seeking how to enter into better and deeper conversations with the people of our neighborhood who come to the cookouts. For some reason, this past cookout one of the girls who comes each week was a lot more open and talkative. She and Kristy got along very well, and I believe they will be hanging out outside of the cookouts. I feel like the gap was bridged between us being the people who throw the cookouts and us being friends. Please pray for her and for her relationship with Kristy and the other girls and me. 

Also, we have been seeking to find ways to better minister to the little girls from the neighborhood who come to our house to play and hang out. Jeremiah has been really good about reading Genesis with Olivia, one of the girls, when she comes over. So far, we have read about the creation and the fall. Please pray we would all be more open to ways to minister directly to these girls when they come to play. 

At the moment I am reading Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis. It has taken me years to read this book, and I warn anyone who has tried to read it or plans on reading it to not make it one of the books you read before bed. YOU WILL FALL ASLEEP AND NEVER READ IT. It is one of the best books I have ever read and feel I am growing a lot in my knowledge of God and my spirituality, but it is a bit dry and that’s why it has taken years for me to actually get into the book. Read it, but make sure you’re going to be alert and able to focus when you do. 

Some quotes from Mere Christianity worth taking in and thinking about:

He [a Christian] does not think GOD will love us because we are good, but that GOD will make us good because He loves us.

…a Christian is not a man who never goes wrong, but a man who is enabled to repent and pick himself up and begin over again after each stumble – because the Christ-life is inside him, repairing him all the time, enabling him to repeat (in some degree) that kind of voluntary death which Christ Himself carried out. 

…love, in the Chrisitan sense [i.e. charity], does not mean an emotion. It is a state not of the feelings but of the will; that state of the will we have naturally about ourselves, and must learn to have about other people. 

…and there are many more where they came from. Read Mere Christianity. 

HE

I was reading this passage yesterday and when I really stopped to think about it, I was blown away who Paul claims Christ to be and what he claims Christ has done and does. I put in bold verses and ideas that really stood out to me. 

He is the image of the invisible GOD, the firstborn of creation.

For by Him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or ruler or authorities; all things were created by Him and for Him.

He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together.

And He is the head of the body, the church; He is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything He might have the supremacy. 

For GOD was pleased to have all His fullness dwell in Him, and through Him to reconcile Himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through His blood, shed on the cross. 

Colossians 1:15-20

new season of life = cutting off all my hair

This morning I had the beautiful privilege of having my lovely house mate Lindsey cut off all my hair. We sat outside on the back porch in the morning air and as she cut it off, my once attached hair cushioned her bare feet. This experience was much better than any salon could offer. Jeremiah does not yet know about the procedure but will receive a bag of my hair as a confession of what I have done. Over the past week and a half I have been overcome with a strong urge to do something that would embody this new stage/season in my life. I almost got a tattoo Thursday but fortunately for mom, I am mark-free. Instead, I retreated back to my old days of short, short hair…and I love it. Hopefully, mom will too.

Last night, some of us in the community got together and talked finances (I did not actually talk, but only listened to some wonderful thoughts). The discussion was mainly over how much money should be shared between everyone in the community. It was decided for everyone to put in around $120 a month which would help to cover the girls and guys’ rent and utilities. This is an ever growing and changing process, and I would ask those who feel led to pray for the decisions the community makes about finances and how much to money to share (whether it should be everything or a specific amount). I believe everyone came away feeling good about the talk and convicted to seek the Lord throughout the week about what should be done.

I wanted to share some more pictures of my first week and a half here in Charlotte:

My Epic setting up for the show in Burlington

Lindsey C. & Rus

Jeremiah at the merch table

Brooke, Sheena, Lindsey C., Kristy, me & Lindsey

Lindsey & Jamir (Dave in the background)

Jeremiah & Keisha

Please continue to pray for me as Honduras weighs heavily on my mind and heart.

give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread.

otherwise, i may have too much and disown you and say, “Who is the LORD?”

or i may become poor and steal, and so dishonor the name of my God.

-Proverbs 30:8-9